Sorry, no post today, I had to toil for the BBC, plus I had an oxygen attack (as in not getting enough) and it turns out that there is no longer nerve function on a cluster of nerves on my face. My doctor thought cutting there to “confirm” was NOT a good idea. Plus I have to go to get some tests tomorrow to make sure I didn’t have a heart attack last week. Sigh.
To be truthful, there is something about finding that your face is damaged.....forever, which still comes as a bit of a fucking surprise. I tried to keep cool about it but I was sobbing and saying over and over, “It’s my FACE!” Linda held my hand and squeezed and said softly, “I know.” We don’t know if this cluster is affecting the tongue (like why I have speech problems) or the intermittent palsy. All we know for now is that there is a line on my face where you can cut me, burn me, whatever, and I won’t feel it.
I’m sorry, I wish I had better news, I wish I could be witty but…..
Anyway, I do have one hair-brained plan on the go which I will tell you about tomorrow if things go well. So I’m not giving up, I’m just a bit shell shocked.
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8 hours ago
15 comments:
Yeah, the face is... bad. Isn't it funny how you can suck up all kinds of things and then there'll be this one thing that hits you in the soft place and all composure's gone? Well, funny-peculiar, not funny ha-ha, that is.
Take all the time you need. Hope your tests go well.
((HUGS)). I'm sorry about your latest developement and I know it's probably my 'polly-anna' side coming out, but I hope it proves to be temporary and you get the feeling back.
If you need cheering up, I've put my Motability saga in blogs and I'm about to upload my finished assignment piece I did for my degree.
I look forward to hearing your hair-brained scheme ;)
I love you. There's nothing positive I can say other than that, so I'll say it.
HUGS from your oddball rat-loving hermit cousin!
And some tiny ratty kisses, which are probably like squirrel kisses with smaller teefs.
I just realized that my statements and The Joker's statements from the original film Batman were pretty much identical. I wonder if this means that I can use this as a sort of opportunity, a stepping stone to a new career the way The Joker did. I mean YES, he was a criminal but he was a very popular criminal.
I think you'd make a great supervillian! Who says Squirrel Girl has to be on the side of GOOD?
"Squirrel girl, upon finding that a batch of her facial nerves had died off, implanted a microlaser ray in her cheek, positioning the trigger so as to fire a beam strong enough to slice through bone every time she made her trademarked Squirrel Face..."
{{HUGS}} Big hugs from your friends on the other side of the continent. Think of it this way, there are worse places to lose feeling than your face!
I'm sorry...not good news!
Lene: yeah, especially as it is probably the only part of my body I didn't cut in self harming. I guess it turned out that I was a bit vain after all.
Gaina: I hope it is temporary but how many conduction tests are temporary? If I start slapping my face daily to find out, Linda will not be amused.
Ohhh, sorry, yes let me run over and read that! As for the hair brained scheme it will all be revealed in about two hours.
Zephyr: Thanks, I know it wasn't the sexiest face, but it is the only one I've got, maybe this will give me a girl leer!
Veralidaine: Thanks cous'! Well, I guess I could go BAD and anyway it turns out that everyone loves 9 from star trek so a little cyborg face action is apparently hot in some circles (probably a whole NEW band of devos for that!)
Tom P.: Believe me, I think about that a lot, when I keep mentioning "nerve loss creeping up" and "use it or lose it!"
I am trying to find the right words to say and all I can come up with is ... you rock Elizabeth!
I think I am regressing into adolesence ;)
I am so sorry. I know about "the face" and my story is a lot more pathetic. I got put on some super duper immuno-suppressents and my face broke out into what appeared to be a rash from a biblical horror story. It turns out it was acne...how embarrassing. I actually considered dumping the meds because it's my face. Vanity. But its really damn important. So I feel your pain (is that insensitive wording?). Take care and remember...slapping will make your face red and spotchy- and that wont help at all. (used to stab myself in unfeeling legs with a butter knife...hey I thought I was invincible girl...results in ugliness).
RachelCreative: Errr....Rock on! Later Alligator, in a while crocodile! I am no sure why I rock but I will accept the rockness nontheless. Thanks!
Ms. Bond - yeah, I played the "let's drop things on my feet" game until Linda caught me - she has a saying, "If you don't take care of bits you can't feel then you WON'T HAVE THOSE BITS ANYMORE." Which made my doctor laugh but he agreed. As it happens, I have lost MORE weight, so much I now call myself "The skull" because I have so much bone showing, so, time to cover the mirrors.
Well it's to do with you and the way you think and the way you communicate and the way your frame life and the shit that happens.
But I don't know how to say it without being all gushy and gooey and "you're so brave" when that isn't really what I mean. Well you are but not in a crip-worship kind of way.
See? This is why I stuck to "you rock".
It's shit this face thing and just about every other thing being thrown at you too and the lack of support and care and the abundance of crappy paperwork and blah!!
But you keep being you. With humour and intelligence and strength and making no apologies for who you are.
And stuff like that. :)
oh elizabeth. I am so sorry. Hugs.
I have no idea how I missed this when it was posted. Many sympathies and hugs. :(
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